Monday, July 26, 2010

The Shoes, Part II

G-ma: Where are my shoes?

G-pa: By the front door.

G-ma: Are these them? (Starts putting on my grandpa's massive size 13 extra wide sandals) These do not feel right.

G-pa: (Stifles laughter) That's because those are mine.

Grandma, I know the floor is far away and your eyesight is bad, but you've got to know the difference between your size 6, and his size 13. Even fuzzy images would have drastic size differential.

The Shoes

G-ma: I always take my shoes off outside, but I don't see them.

Mom: The because they're inside, Mom.

G-ma: Where are my shoes?

Mom: Are they by the front door?

G-ma: I don't know why they would be there. I never take them off.

If by "never" you mean "always"

Saturday, July 10, 2010


G-pa (over the phone): Is Abbie there?

Mom: No. Why?

G-pa: Your mother is crying, wondering why everyone forgot her on her birthday.

Mom: But her birthday is next week...

G-pa: I know, I told her that but she didn't believe me. She's asking why no one called or gave her presents, so I was hoping Abbie would talk some sense into her.

Grandma, I know you grew up with 2 birthdays, since your dad was crazy forgetful and picked a random day to tell the school or something, and I'm sorry. But no way am I going to call you a full week before to pre-game your 2 birthday celebrations. Get over yourself.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Field Trip

G-ma (to the bus driver): Has my husband got on yet?
Nurse: No, he's not coming, remember?
G-ma: Oh yeah.
G-ma: Have you seen my husband?

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say yes. I saw him in your apartment, watching TV, where he's been for 18 years. Buses aren't that fun for an 84 year-old guy whose had 3 knee surgeries, weighs in at 250 and is 6' 4".

The Cabin

Me (to G-pa): We went up last weekend and painted the cabin. It's looking good.

G-pa: Oh good. It will be nice to see.

G-ma: I've been there twice.

Not even close to twice. Way more. Your dad built it. Pretty sure you lived there one summer...

The Other Day

G-pa: Well Cleo, let's get going. You need to use the restroom before we leave?

G-ma: I don't think so...*

*goes to bathroom.